Sure, he's a Democrat, and we could use the seat in the Senate. And he means well, I guess. But the truth is that nobody likes him. And then yesterday he just shows up in Washington like some annoying uncle who invites himself to Thanksgiving, and everyone tried to be polite to him while at the same time letting him know that we'd really, really, really like it if he could just be someplace else. Like in the photo above -- Dianne Feinstein is saying, "What the fuck are you doing here?" and Al is saying, "You know, I have that same Woolrich blanket on the couch in my summer cabin." Oh, he thinks he's real cute. But what he doesn't know is that quietly, secretly, under the covers, we've all been helping out Norm Coleman.
Not that we like Norm Coleman, because we don't. But the truth is that Al Franken is rabid and angry and, well, a bit of a nut. And frankly nobody around here needs the kind of drama he'd be bringing. I mean he's fine in small doses. Like, for a minute or two. Anything beyond that and let me tell you, he's like a case of hives. It's the same stories, over and over again -- snorting coke with Belushi, what a snotty bitch Jane Curtin is, Chevy Chase is a jerk, on and on. He's the worst name-dropper I've ever met, and believe me, I've met most of the great ones. The other thing is that he's not very smart, but he thinks he's really really super smart, and he's got all these great big ideas about how he wants to change the world, but the reality is that most of them are stupid and would only fuck things up. And those doofy glasses! And his voice. That accent. Jesus. And the obsession with O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh. And the same old Stuart Smalley jokes, over and over again. You see what I mean? We're dreading this guy.
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